Support in Unexpected Places

Do you ever wonder what your life would be like if you’d made different decisions along the way?  Do the “what ifs” nag at you?  Do you have regrets over things you didn’t do?  Or things you did do?  I’m sure most of us do, but recently I’ve learned it’s not a great use of time or energy.  In fact, it swallows up time and energy you could use elsewhere to improve things.

Last Friday, on my Facebook pages, I posted some “progress” pictures of my weight loss.  It was difficult to do because I historically didn’t like to get into a picture frame, if I could help it.  Also, over the years many were lost to hard drive death (before cloud backups were popular), or they’re in boxed storage.

I did have these from 2005 (my wedding day), 2006 (Alaska cruise), and 2008 (my niece’s 16^th birthday).  Hopefully they give you a general idea of my size. During these years, I was at my heaviest.  The most I ever saw on a scale was 389 lbs. I know it was during these years because the size of the clothes I’m wearing in the photos was the largest size I ever wore.

So, I posted these pictures on my personal Facebook page and the one I manage for this blog.  I initially posted them because many of my friends hadn’t seen me in years and wanted to see the changes.  As an impulse, I also posted them in a Facebook group I joined a few weeks ago.  It’s a support group for people who want to lose/have lost/are losing 100 or more pounds.  Their response to the pictures made me smile, gave me determination, and made me think a lot about the last few years.  As they had no personal investment in my feelings, their response was the same as they would have given to anyone else showing “before” and “after” photos.

 They were awesome.  I was hesitant to join at first, mostly because I was never really into groups.  I grew up with the perspective that things were best done when I did them myself. Self reliance, right? For example, I never wanted to join Weight Watchers because I knew it would be a program I could work around.  I’ve gone down that road before when I learned to work around the Nutrisystem program.  In general, it’s more strict than the Weight Watcher plans. So when I decided to actively pursue a healthier me, I was going to do it alone, for myself without any kind of structured program.

However, the men and women in this group showed me how wrong I can be.  The daily support and sharing of steps forward or backward keeps me focused on my goal.  I see that success is possible, and also that I’m not the only one who falters.  These people have shown me that support is helpful, perhaps absolutely imperative to my success.

This isn’t the casual pat on the back where your neighbor says, “you’ll do great” or your spouse says, “I know you can do it” before they take you out to dinner for a hamburger and fries. These are people who understand your situation, as they’re in the same exact place…or were…or will be.  You might say, “but Weight Watchers is the biggest support group around.  Why wouldn’t that work?”  Well, for me, I never gave it a chance.  Who knows?  It could very well have been successful for me, if I’d let it.  But, in my mind, I saw Weight Watchers as a place for people who want to lose those pesky 20 or get rid of their holiday season weight gain.  That definitely wasn’t me.

Losing 20 lbs. or even 40 lbs. is not like trying to be healthy by losing 100 lbs. or more.  It’s not about a short term change to get rid of a little excess fat.  It’s a complete change in lifestyle (regardless of the weight loss method).  It’s a total change in eating habits and actually getting off your butt to exercise.  But more importantly, it’s a complete change in mindset.  These folks understand all of that…they all have new eating habits/styles that suit them individually.  They exercise and move in ways that are best for them.  The one thing they clearly have in common is their desire to keep going and reach their goals.  They’re not in the group to get others to “do it their way” or to improve others with their advice, or to not-so-subtly practice one upmanship.  They are simply there to offer support and receive some in kind as they make their way on their own healthy self-journey.

These people are a gold mine to me.  They are a treasure trove of great ideas – offering options on fitness and food, without motive.  They are a collective sympathetic ear when the people in your personal life might be tired of listening to you complain or groan about another lost day of exercise.  They are a cheering section when your doctor takes you off your high blood pressure medication, and I mean cheering!  They know exactly how they would feel if their doctor did the same and you can almost see them smile through the words they type.

I do sometimes wonder if I should regret not joining Weight Watchers.  Maybe my healthy journey would have started sooner or I’d be in a better place now.  I’ve learned that life often puts you exactly where you need to be at any given moment in time. The truth is, I can’t let the “maybes” and the “what ifs” detour me from where I’m headed.  The important thing is that I’ve found a great place. All in all, I’m glad I went looking for a group and found it.  More, I’m glad the admins let me join.  It’s likely none of them will read this blog post, but I give them all big thumbs up, a high five, and wave my pom-poms in their general direction.

So, if you find yourself faltering in a goal or wondering “what if”.  I say, don’t waste your time or energy on that.  Use it to fuel your resolve and determination.  Seek out a community.  If it’s not your family and close friends, maybe a group of strangers in the same or similar position can be your answer.  Maybe they can nudge you in the right direction, or commiserate with your backward momentum, but maybe they’ll be there when it turns around and just cheer you on!

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As I was finishing this post, I experienced a moment of serendipity.  A woman I met and knew many years ago (when AOL chatrooms were popular and you paid for data by the hour) visited here, on the blog.  Inadvertently, she reminded me that I knew another time when strangers were my best support.  When women and men who related to my circumstances would meet nightly to discuss the ups and downs of being overweight.  When we could laugh and joke with each other and not worry about much.  So, to Vicky and Jerry, Rena, Kelly, Cai, Marcy, Jeanne, Dan, Laura and all the other people I only knew by chatroom handles…Chzycrunch says thank you  I say THANK YOU!  There is one chatroom buddy who deserves a special thank you and a blown kiss.  Thank you Jack.  For everything.  I miss you.

Until next time…